As You Were
by LaughOrCry
Summary: Set mid/post AYITL. Major Spoilers inside. Literati. Rating may change in later chapters.
1. Breathe

**Author's note: This story is set mid/post AYITL. Currently in the market for a beta, so if you're interested - PM me. I own nothing, but if someone wanted to gift me Milo for Christmas I wouldn't complain...just putting it out there ;)**

 **-I added an additional nugget from Jess's perspective rather than add it as a separate chapter since they are thematically similar and both so small. Enjoy**

* * *

'You're still a contender.' Those words echoed through Rory Gilmore's mind as she sat in shock on the side of the bathtub. A contender? Who was she kidding? At this point she would be lucky to get a ticket to the fight.

Pregnant. She, Rory Gilmore,

jet-setting-technically-homeless-commando-going-journalist-extraordinaire, was with child. With child? Who says that anymore? What is this, John's gospel? But somehow that terminology made it seem less life altering.

What was she going to do? Shit. What was she going to tell Logan? He literally just left on his honeymoon yesterday. What was she going to tell her mother?

 _Don't go there_ , Rory thought to herself, _too much room for imagination._ Plus her mother wouldn't be back for another couple weeks from her Wild trip. Assuming she made it out alive, of course.

After what seemed like hours she finally stood and looked herself in the mirror. Should she look different? Feel different? She didn't feel any different other than the panic she was fighting to squash down. _Deep breath, Gilmore, just keep on breathing._

* * *

 _Deep breath, Mariano, just keep on breathing._ Jess thought to himself as he looked through the porch window at Rory. He could still hear the excited timbre of her voice telling him about the chapters of her book. Could still feel the zing in his blood from having her so close.

So what if he lied to Luke. It wasn't like he was exactly proud of the fact that he still carried a torch for Rory. She was the love of his life, she lit up his entire world with a single smile, and he couldn't stand to see her unsure of herself.

Truth be told he had been thinking that she should write a book for years now. Rory's voice was so distinct, so fresh and different from anything else out there. This was the right path for her. This was how she impacted the world. This was the Rory he knew - laughing and hopeful and so full of words they practically burst out of her onto the page.

With one last look he turned and walked down the stairs - the tiniest glimmer of hope taking root in his heart.


	2. Easy

**Author's Note: Thanks to those who read and especially those who review. It does the heart good to get feedback :)**

* * *

 _"_ _Rory! Rory! I swear, if you don't get your ass out here in the next ten seconds I am going to come in there and drag you out. I don't care if you've found your underwear yet or not."_ Lorelai's voice came blasting through the door of her childhood room. It was comforting, somehow, to know that no matter how much things changed - some things would forever remain the same.

 _"_ _I'm coming, geez. Keep your pants on."_ was Rory's reply as she walked into the kitchen. Her mother stood there with a smirk on her face and her wedding survival kit in her hands. They were about to head to MIss Patty's aka Bride Central. Lorelai and Luke were finally getting married - technically they were already married but who was keeping track - in T-minus 4 hours and the whole town was buzzing about it. This is the wedding they had been anticipating for years. No one deserved happiness more than these two after all they had been through over the years.

As they walked down the street Rory slid her gaze to her mother for a sign. A sign of what she had no idea. Panic? Runaway Bride? Grandmother to be? Whatever she had been looking for, all she saw was a woman content. A bride on the way to get ready to marry the man of her dreams at last. The best part was, no one could ruin it. This was the easy part.

* * *

Never in all his 32 years had Jess Mariano witnessed such a spectacle as the Danes - Gilmore wedding. And considering he had lived in Stars Hollow for quite some time that was saying something. He was in the apartment above the diner "helping" Luke get ready; though what grown man actually needs help getting his clothes on Jess didn't know. Moral support was all he could offer. That and a litany of snarky, if good-natured, insults. Luke was more a parent to him than those people would ever be. He was the first adult to ever believe that Jess had more ahead of him than the life of an alcoholic deadbeat and he would never be able to pay him back for that no matter how hard he tried. The best he could do was to try and be the very best man he could be.

As he looked out across the town square, he saw two figures moving quickly towards Miss Patty's. A small smile tugged at his lips before he was startled out of his reverie by a string of profanity and loud noises coming from the general direction of the bathroom.

 _"_ _Dude. You gonna live through it or should I go ahead and inform the preacher that we will be having a funeral rather than a wedding?"_

 _"_ _Very funny. My jacket got caught on the doorknob as I was trying to put it on, then I rammed my knee into the damn sink and for the grand finale hit my funny bone on the door frame. Turns out? Not funny at all."_

 _"_ _Well, good to know that we have someone to fill in should Hollywood decide to revive the Three Stooges again."_ Jess smirked at his uncle.

 _"_ _Hilarious. Just help me with the damn thing?"_ Luke said, exasperated but smiling.

 _"_ _Sure thing, Uncle Luke."_


	3. Truth

**Author's Note: Real life sucks sometimes. Luckily I can escape to Stars Hollow whenever I wish. Thanks, Amy Sherman-Palladino, you're the real MVP.**

* * *

 _This is stupid. The longer you wait, the harder this is going to be Rory. You're already waited too long waiting for him to get back from wherever the hell they went on their honeymoon. Just do it. Rip the band aid off. Do it. Do it. DO IT._

If anyone could have heard the argument going on in Rory Gilmore's head they would have thought her more than a tad crazy. She was currently pacing tiny circles in the tiny break room of the Stars Hollow Gazette. Break room was a generous description - it was more like a closet with a coffee maker, but whatever. She was all alone at the Gazette, but somehow being in a room with a window made her feel so exposed - as if everyone knew exactly what she was about to do.

Taking a deep breath she picked up her phone and pulled up Logan's contact information. It was 2 AM in Connecticut, so Logan should already be on his way to work by now and this was her best chance at catching him alone. Before she could talk herself out if it, Rory hit the call button.

"Hey Ace, top of the mornin'" Logan answered the phone almost immediately. He sounded so happy Rory almost chickened out again.

Instead she just quipped back, "Aye, laddie. And quite the beaut of a mornin' it is." Logan's laughter simultaneously poured a balm on her heart and made her profoundly sad. "Let me guess, the honeymoon was in Ireland?"

"Among other places," Logan answered. "I'm sure that's not why you called me at 2 am your time. What's wrong Rory?"

"Well...it's just...I mean, I wouldn't say anything is WRONG per se….I…" Rory trailed off. Her usual mastery of the English language abandoning her in her time of need.

"Rory," Logan's voice was very serious now, " What is going on? Is everything okay? Your mom...or oh my god it's not your grandmother is it?"

"No Logan, nothing like that. I have a piece of news. And before I tell you what it is I need your word that you won't say or do anything rash until I'm done."

"Ace.."

"I mean it Logan. Your word."

There was a long pause, then finally, "Deal."

"Ok. So here is the thing...the thing is...Well, you see the thing is…."

"Dear God, Ryan Seacrest, would you spit it out?"

"I'm pregnant." Rory whispered.

*Silence*

"Logan?" Rory said, worried she had lost the connection.

"I'm here. Just...pregnant? You're pregnant. Pregnant with a baby?"

"No, Logan. I'm pregnant with a kangaroo. Of course a baby!"

"Sorry, just trying to wrap my head around it. You're pregnant. With my child. I just got married. What timing we have."

"I know, Logan. And I'm so sorry. I was going to call you, but you were on your honeymoon and it just didn't seem right. And it didn't really feel like something that should be left on a voicemail. So, I waited. And you hate me. I don't blame you. This is the worst possible moment for this, but I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything. Really. I'm okay. Just don't hate me. I couldn't live with myself if i knew you hated me. And.."

"Rory, stop." Logan said gently. "How could I hate you? It's not like you did it on purpose and not like I wasn't a willing participant and the activities that caused said child to be conceived. We are, both of us, equally responsible. Reading between the lines of your rant," Rory could hear the wry humor in his voice. It was faint, but still there." I gather that you are going to keep it?"

"I haven't made a firm decision yet, but that's the way I'm leaning. It's still early yet, I haven't even had my first doctor's appointment."

"Okay. I'm booking the next flight to Connecticut."

"Logan, NO!" Rory said, probably a little too harshly. "This is what I meant. No rash decisions. You _just_ got back from your honeymoon. This is not the time to rush off to see your pregnant ex-mistress. This is the time that you start your life with Odette. I won't be responsible for breaking up a marriage. I know first hand what happens when a couple stays together just because they are pregnant. I watched my dad's life slowly fall apart, and I won't do that to you. I won't be responsible for you losing everything and everyone you know. I won't have it Logan." Rory took a deep breath and continued before he could interrupt her, "I want you to stay in London. Build a life with Odette, be happy. Follow the dynastic plan, you're over halfway there anyhow. It's too late to turn back now. I'll be fine, I promise. I just wanted you to know. I would never keep something like that from you."

"Rory, if you think I'm just going to abandon my child you are severely unhinged. I would never do that!"

Rory smiled sadly. "But you aren't abandoning your child, Logan. This is not that. The door is always as open as you want it to be. But if you didn't love me enough to break off your engagement, and I didn't love you enough to remember to break up with Paul, then we have no business trying to start a life together now. It's not a good enough reason. And I want my child to grow up knowing that he or she didn't ruin anyone's life by simply existing, but that no matter what they are loved completely. That's what my mom gave me. And that's what I want for our child."

Logan sighed heavily and was quiet for a long time. "I'm still not sure that I agree. But I will make you a deal. I won't do anything rash, I will really think it through and not make any life altering decisions just yet. But I want you to promise me something. Promise me that if my decision is to come back to Connecticut, you give me another chance. A real relationship this time. Rules and so many strings we will never get them untangled."

The tears that had been at bay all day finally spilled over and poured down Rory's face. "I promise." She whispered and hung up the phone. Weeping, she slid down the wall, wrapped her arms around her knees, lay her head on her arms, and promptly fell asleep.


	4. Weep

**Chapter 4**

 _Three weeks later_

Anyone who saw Rory's eyes sparkle with tears as she watched Lorelai and Luke dance their first dance as man and wife probably thought she was overcome with emotion and happiness for her mother. Not that she wasn't, but the unhappy truth was her hormones were so far out of control she was doing all she could not to have a full fledged ugly cry fit. It had been three weeks since she had told Logan about the baby. Three weeks since she had cried herself to sleep on the Gazette's breakroom floor. Three weeks since she had decided, for better or for worse, that she was going to keep this baby and make sure that it grew up in a home like she had. It had only been two weeks since she had last spoken to Logan; since he had told her he was going to say in London with Odette; since she had cried herself to sleep in her childhood bedroom.

His decision made sense and she didn't begrudge him the happy life he had in front of him, but deep down she had been hoping against hope that he would choose her. _How very Meredith Grey of you, Gilmore. Pick me. Choose me. Love me. That works every time._

Rory sighed heavily and smiled a little as Luke dipped her mother and kissed her. She needed to snap out of it.

"Hey."

The smile on her face bloomed into something more genuine as she heard Jess's voice behind her. She turned to look at him and answered back just as monosyllabically.

"Hey."

Jess narrowed his eyes as he looked at her face. "You okay?" He always could see through her facades right down to the deepest, rawest part of her soul.

Rory tilted her head to the side and considered her answer. "I'm okay. I wish I could say I'm fantastic but we both know you would see through that lie."

Nodding in understanding Jess held out his hand, "Wanna dance?"

"You dance?" Rory's tone was dubious as she looked at his offered hand.

"I dance."

"You dance in public?" This was a side of Jess she didn't recognize.

He smirked, "Occasionally."

"Lead the way, then."

They walked to the dance floor hand in hand. Tears pricked Rory's eyes again as he pulled her into his arms for the first time in years. No matter how much time had passed it always felt right with Jess. They fit. She shuddered with the effort of holding back her tears and Jess automatically tightened his grip around her waist.

"Hey, hey. What's wrong?"

Rory just shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder. No way was she going to be able to get any words out right now.

"Rory, talk to me." Jess pulled her from his shoulder and framed her face in his hands. "What is going on?" His distress over her distress was very real.

Tears poured down her face as she met his eyes, "I can't talk about it right now. I just can't, Jess. Just dance with me, please? I don't want anyone to see me upset at my mom's wedding and I can't leave this early without people hounding me with questions. Please? Please?" Rory's voice cracked and trailed off to a whisper as she pleaded with him.

Jess searched her eyes trying to find the answer to what could be causing her to be in this much pain. Finally he nodded and pulled her close again.

He kissed the top of her head and whispered "Okay. We'll just stay right here. I've got you, Ror. Always."

And he did. They stayed there for what felt like eons just softly swaying back and forth regardless of the tempo of the song. He was sure the Stars Hollow rumor mill would be buzzing first thing in the morning - if it wasn't already - but he didn't care. He wasn't about to mess up his chance this time. No way. No how.

 **Thanks for reading guys! So sorry for the long wait for an update. Real life doesn't give me much time for such frivolities as fanfiction unfortunately. Let me know what you think! Reviews are the food of inspiration ;)**


	5. Smile

Author's Note: Merry Christmas! I hope that your holiday season has been as wonderful as mine has been. Now enjoy a little bit of literati goodness. :)

* * *

 _Later that night_

It was 3 AM and and the final guests were leaving the town square in search of sleep or sustenance. Jess leaned against a tree and watched as Rory methodically picked up tiny centerpieces from each table and put them in a box. Most people would have just left it to be taken care of in the morning but not Rory. He knew her well enough to know that if it was left undone it would torture her until she came back to do it. So he watched and waited patiently until the task was complete. She eventually surveyed the town square and nodded to herself. That was his cue.

"Hey."

Surprised, Rory turned to smile at him as he approached. "Hey! I didn't realize you were still hanging around. Figured you'd bailed ages ago."

Jess gave her a half smile, "Nah, where would I bail to anyway? You are literally my only friend in this whack job of a town."

Rory giggled then sighed at him in mock pity, "So true. What would you ever do without me?"

Jess stared at her for a long second then dropped his gaze. "So, you want to take a walk or something?"

She considered him for a moment then shrugged, "Why not, I'm still wired from all those Jordan almonds anyways."

They turned and started walking aimlessly, each quietly lost in their own thoughts. Jess trying to figure out how to bring up her episode without making her cry again and Rory struggling to find the words to explain what had caused her emotional breakdown earlier.

"Sorry for-"

"Is everything-"

They smiled at each other as they both stopped short.

"Sorry," Rory said, "I was just going to say sorry for earlier and thank you. I didn't mean to fall apart on you, but thanks for not freaking out on me. I really needed to let it all out."

Jess studied her profile as they walked. She was lost in thought again - he could practically hear the wheels turning in her mind. Finally she snapped out of her reverie and looked at him with a soft smile. "What were you going to say?"

"Uh, nothing really. I was just wondering if everything was okay. Not that I minded at all, but it's not really like you to start crying randomly in the middle of a wedding. At least not the Rory of yesteryear."

Rory laughed at his choice of words, "Yesteryear? Suddenly we're characters in an Alcott novel?"

Jess had to smile. He shook his head and looked down at his feet. "Occupational hazard. I just meant the Rory I knew back in high school had a much tighter reign on her emotions. I was concerned, that's all. Wanted to make sure you were okay...with whatever." He trailed off and glanced back over at her as they started walking again.

"Okay." Rory pondered the word for a minute. "Am I okay? I think so. I'm certainly not in danger of death or disease or anything of that nature."

Realizing they had walked to the bridge, Rory stopped and looked at him. "Let's sit."

Neither would say it out loud, but they both considered it their bridge. Memories, good and bad, flooded them both as they stared out over the still water. Quiet, but for the faint sounds of ducks and crickets.

Rory took a deep breath and let it out slowly. And again. And again.

"I'm pregnant." Her voice was barely a whisper. If it hadn't been for his sharp intake of breath and the slight turning of his head she would have thought he hadn't heard her.

"Woah."

"Tell me about it."

He studied her face closely. It was starting to slowly make sense now. "And the fath…"

"Not in the picture,"she interrupted him quickly.

"And you're going to.."

"Keep it. Yeah."

Jess nodded and let out a long, slow breath. "Whoa."

"Yeah."

"So earlier…"

"Hormones. Apparently have zero chill when pregnant."

"I'm not sure that's exclusive to you being pregnant but…" Jess cut off with a laugh as Rory bumped his shoulder with hers.

"Watch it, you know what they say about pregnant women."

"No, what do they say."

"You know...they are...dangerous and stuff."

"Ah, yes. That old chestnut from Confucius. Very succinct, Gilmore."

"Shut up. It's late and I haven't had a decent amount of coffee in over a month. The verbal thing comes and goes."

"Now that is a quote I _do_ recognize." He said with a smile.

She turned to look at him, at ease for the first time in longer than she cared to admit. It was always easy with Jess. No pretenses or expectations. She could be herself and not worry about not measuring up. "Do you think I'll be a good mom?" The question escaped before she could stop it and she looked away before she could see his expression, staring resolutely into the distance again. "I know that I had a great example, but sometimes I have a hard enough time just taking care of myself and I don't even really have a real home right now. My stuff is scattered around two continents and I just signed a lease on an apartment that doesn't start for another three months and…"

She cut off when Jess put his hand over hers where it rested on the bridge. "Rory, look at me."

She glanced over him, suddenly locked in an gaze so intense she couldn't look away. His eyes were so dark and deep and comforting. She could get lost in them and never want to find her way out.

"You are going to be an amazing mother. No doubt in my mind. Got it?"

She nodded, still not looking away.

"Good. I have nothing but faith in you Gilmore. And if you need someone to lean on, or to lend a hand putting together furniture or whatever I'm only a phone call away. In fact, with Luke gonefor the next two weeks I'll literally be only a quarter of a mile away at the diner." He reached up and brushed her bangs back off her forehead in a gesture so habitual and sweet that Rory couldn't help but close her eyes and lean into his hand.

Jess smiled and pulled her snug against his side, kissing her temple. He was going to do whatever it took to show her that this was their time. This was their moment. He was not going to waste it.


	6. Sleep

_**Author's Note: Since I didn't get my Christmas wish of Milo under my tree this year you will find me curled up on the couch bingeing This is Us and Gilmore Girl reruns. Enjoy.**_

The lights were dim at the Gilmore residence in Hartford, so dark that from the outside you wouldn't think there was even anyone home. But inside a plush study sat Rory Gilmore. Hair tossed up haphazardly, two day old sweats on and surrounded by roughly 85 million empty cups of tea she sat in her grandfather's chair and stared at the screen. She was stuck. Stuck wasn't the right word, maybe exhausted?

She had been up for about 20 hours and staring at the bright laptop screen for a large part of it. Maybe that was why her head was spinning so badly. So badly, in fact, that when she tried to stand up she had to sit again before she fell over. She got up slowly the second time and though her stomach lurched she stayed up right this time. Maybe she should get some sleep.

Rory slowly climbed the stairs to her old bedroom; after a quick shower curled into the soft downy comfort and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

Back in Stars Hollow Jess sat in the diner and stared out at the town square. Taylor was running around with a clipboard yelling at people and chasing Kirk again. Jess rolled his eyes to himself. Luke was right, there really was a legitimate need for a store that sold huge butterfly nets in this town.

He still had another week or so before Luke and Lorelai returned from their honeymoon and between Kirk, Taylor and the gossipy duo he didn't know if he would make it without needing to enter rehab afterwards. This town could seriously drive someone to drink...heavily.

He glanced at the clock and decided he had had just about all he could for the night and locked the door to the diner, slowly making his way upstairs. His mind wandered back to his conversation with Rory a couple days ago. She had been in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

* * *

" _Ready for another tale in the misadventures of a Pregnant Gilmore?"_

Jess smirked at his phone and shot back a quick reply. " _Always."_

" _So I have been sitting here in the waiting room for a good 45 minutes waiting for them to call my name after I signed in. No big surprise there, so I have just been reading while I wait. The receptionist finally calls me up to the window and explains to me that I don't have an appointment."_

" _What do you mean, I was sitting right next to you as you made it."_

His phone pinged again almost immediately.

" _I KNOW, RIGHT? And that's what I told her._

 _That I know that I made the appointment._

 _And I wrote it down in my phone AND in my planner._

 _Monday November 21 at 12PM. Dr. Charles Hanson"_

 _This trick just stared at me, Jess. Stared at me for a solid ten seconds like I just told her that I still believed in friggin Santa or something. Then she pointed to the door, where it very clearly stated Dr Charles Hinson - Podiatrist. I went to the wrong doctor. What is wrong with me? It's like getting pregnant broke my brain and lowered my IQ and turned me into Bimbo Barbie who can't even read the words on a door let alone write a book."_

 _Jess waited a few seconds to see if she was actually done. His phone pinged again._

" _End Scene."_

 _Laughing out loud now, Jess picked up the phone and called her._

" _I"m an idiot."_

" _You're not an idiot. You're just a little more…."_

" _If you say flakey or airheaded or anything that would remotely put me in the category of a blonde headed bimbo trophy wife I will gone girl you so fast Jess Mariano you won't even know what hit you."_

" _...distracted. I was going to say distracted."_

* * *

As Jess walked into the upstairs apartment he pulled out his phone and called Rory hoping she was still awake. He hadn't heard from her in a couple days - not unusual - but being alone in that huge house he was worried about her. He listened as it rang and went to voicemail. He'd find some time to go over there tomorrow and check on her. Make sure she was eating a somewhat balanced diet - not just poptarts and hot tea.

 _10:45 AM the next morning_

Rory woke up feeling like she had been hit by a truck. Her stomach ached like someone had punched her and the room was spinning.

 _I just need some toast_. She thought to herself. _Some toast and orange juice. I haven't been eating enough._

As she made her way down the stairs she heard the doorbell ring. _Sweet Jesus who was here this early? Who in their right minds comes to some one's house at_ Rory glanced at the clock _oh, 11 am._

She unlocked and swung open the door, a confused look on her face. Her expression quickly changed to one of shy pleasure when she saw Jess on the other side of the door.

"Hey! What are you doing here?"

Jess, on the other hand, took one look at her and immediately grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Are you okay? What's wrong with you? You're white as a ghost!"

Rory shook her head at him slightly.

"Just hungry I think. I woke up with the worst stomach cramp and vertigo. I was just on my way to get some breakfast in the kitchen if you want to join me."

"Stomach cramps? That can't be good, right? Did you call the doctor? Did you call your mother? Why don't you sit down or something. Better yet, go lay down. I'll bring you some toast."

"Jess, find your chill." Rory said wryly, though the room was starting to spin again. She put her hand to her head and stumbled back a little. "I'm okay. I'll call the doctor in a little…."

Her voice faded and Jess turned around just in time to catch her as she fainted. _Shit fuck damn_ was all the first thing that went through his mind. He put one arm under her back and the other under her legs and lifted her easily.

"Rory? Rory wake up. C'mon baby. Wake up for me. Look at me."

Rory stirred enough to moan.

"Jess," she whispered "I think I peed a little. I'm so sorry."

Jess looked down and what he saw had him running for his car as fast as he could without knocking her against doors or walls. He buckled her in and ran around to his side, not taking the time to buckle his seat belt as he drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital.

Rory's sweatpants were not wet with urine. They were wet with blood and the stain was slowly getting bigger.

 _ **Thank you for reading. I would love any and all feedback!**_


	7. Loss

**Chapter 7**

The first thing Rory heard when she surfaced in the hospital was Jess's voice. He sounded worried and exhausted.

"I'm not sure, Luke. The doctor says she is out of the woods, but…." Rory tried desperately to hang on to consciousness but went back under.

The next time she awoke she was alone. It was dark and quiet but for the beeping of the heart monitor. She could see a blanket and jacket draped over the bedside chair, so someone was here recently. She struggled to hang on to consciousness again. Man they must have her on the good meds.

* * *

Jess sat beside Rory's bed staring at his phone. The doctor had just left and now he had to call Luke and Lorelai to give them an update. This was not a conversation he was looking forward to, and he wished Rory was awake and strong enough to call them herself.

 _Geez Mariano, stop being such a wuss. Man up._ Jess took a deep breath and dialed.

"Hey Luke, you got a minute?"

* * *

Rory woke up unsure of what day it was. Eyes still closed, she did a mental assessment of how she felt. Still really groggy, but other than her left arm feeling heavy she felt pretty okay. Blinking her eyes, she squinted against the sunlight streaming in the window and looked to her left. Turns out her arm wasn't heavy, it was weighted down by a mass of dark hair. Jess must have fallen asleep there last night, their fingers entwined and his forehead on her forearm. _How long had he been there?_ She wondered, _her knight in a supple leather jacket. Never quite what she expected, a better friend than she deserved._

As Rory lay there pondering her unworthiness Jess started to stir. She squeezed his hand lightly

"Hey."

Jess shot up like a jack in the box. "Hey! You're awake! How...how are you feeling? I'll go get the doctor.."

Rory tightened her grip on his hand as he tried to get up and walk away. "Jess, hang on. What happened? The last thing I remember is you showing up at my grandparents house. How did I get here?"

Jess looked at her, unsure of what to do. "You, you don't remember anything?"

When Rory shook her head slowly he sighed and sat back down. His eyes searched hers for a long time, lost for words - not something that happened often in the world of Jess Mariano.

He put his other hand over their joined ones and took a deep breath. "I did come by your grandparents house, two days ago. You passed out on your way to the kitchen. I rushed you here because you were…" his voice faded and he looked down to the ground before meeting her eyes with resolve.

Rory could sense where he was going and slowly started to shake her head, eyes brimming with tears.

Jess tightened his grip on her hand and put the other on her cheek, wiping away her tears.

"You were bleeding, Ror. Pretty heavily by the time I got you here. The doctor will have to give you the technical details but….the baby didn't make it. I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry Rory."

The room started to spin again. This couldn't be happening. She had just accepted that she was going to be a mother, was actually getting excited. Now, this. This couldn't be real, it was some sort of bad dream. It had to be a horrible nightmare.

* * *

Jess held on to her hand as tightly as he could, not knowing what else he could do for her. There weren't any words that were going to make this any better. Nothing he could say could ease the hurt. All he could do was be there for her, be an anchor for her. That was what he was going to do.

As Rory started sobbing Jess stood up and nudged her over on the bed, making room for him. He sat on top of the covers, but pulled her tight against his side as she cried. Hours, days, years could have passed, Jess had no sense of time. The nurse came in at some point and looked at him pointedly but didn't make him move as she took Rory's vital signs. Eventually the both fell asleep, Rory wrapped tight around him in the tiny hospital bed.

Later that night Luke and Lorelai came in, but they saw both of them asleep and backed out again.

"Let's go get some coffee and let them rest." Lorelai said, a sad smile on her face. "She can use some peace right now."

* * *

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the reviews and for your patience. It took a little longer than I anticipated to get this chapter done. I know it seems like a cop out for Rory to lose the baby, but it isn't something I have seen explored much - if at all - in any fanfics. Let me know what you think!**


	8. Call

**Chapter 8**

It was quiet in Rory's hospital room. She had asked everyone to leave for a while so she could get some rest, but the truth was she was trying to work up the nerve to make the call she had been putting off and dreading for two days.

Taking a deep breath she hit dial, leaning back against the pillows as it rang.

"Hey, Ace. I was wondering when I was going to hear from you. How did the appointment go?"

The lump was so large in her throat that Rory couldn't say a word. She could barely breathe.

"Ace? Rory are you there?"

Rory sniffled and took a steadying breath.

"I'm here." She said in a voice so faint she wasn't sure he had heard her.

"What's up, you sound weird. How did the appointment go? Anything we need to be concerned about?"

"I didn't make it to the appointment."

"What do you mean? Did you reschedule it?"

"I did but that's not why I called, Logan."

"Ok, well then why did you call? What's going on Rory?"

"I'm in the hospital. I-"

She couldn't even get the next sentence out before Logan interrupted her with a barrage of questions and commands. "A hospital, why? What's wrong? What hospital? What is your attending's name? I'm getting on the next plan to Connecticut. You shouldn't be there alone. When are you getting discharged? I can probably be there some time tomorrow-"

Rory sighed to herself then interrupted him. "Logan. Logan. LOGAN! Stop. I'm not alone. Mom and Luke are here. So is….I have people here. You don't have to come. But me being in the hospital wasn't the main news I was calling to tell you."

"It wasn't? What was….." Logan trailed off as he started to connect the dots. "What is the news you were calling about?" His voice was a whisper now. He didn't know if he was praying that it would be what he thought or if it wouldn't be.

"I had what they called an ectopic pregnancy. Basically the baby was growing outside of my uterus and a couple of days ago it ruptured. They probably would have caught it at my doctor's appointment if I hadn't been such an idiot and gone to the wrong place. It's all my fault Logan, all of it. I don't know what else to say."

For a long time Logan didn't say anything.

"Are you okay? Physically, I mean?"

"Yeah, they are discharging me this afternoon." She looked up as Jess peeked his head in the door. She waved him in then shifted her attention back to Logan.

"I'm sorry, Ace. I know that you were getting excited and this must be hard for you."

Rory took a shaky breath as Jess sat on the bed and kissed her forehead. "I was, and on one hand I am absolutely devastated. But the logical side of my brain can't help but think that it might be for the best. I mean, let's be honest. Circumstances were less than idea to say the least. This way your life can go on unhindered. You won't have anything keeping you from moving forward completely with Odette."

"I guess that's true, but I should not be the person you are focused on right now Rory. I wish I could be there to help you through this but…" He faded off but his meaning was more than clear.

Rory smiled a little and looked up at Jess who was watching her closely. "I'm okay, I have mom and Lane and the rest of the town in my corner." Her hand found Jess's and squeezed lightly. He winked back at here and smirked.

"If you need anything at all, Ace, and I do mean anything please don't hesitate to call."

"I will Logan."

"Bye Ace."

"Bye." As she hung up she couldn't help but feel relieved. Like a chapter of her life was finally closed. Her heart ached, though. Ached deeply for a child lost, love lost, a future she once thought she wanted - gone. Her eyes pricked with tears again.

"Hey." Jess's gentle salutation cut into her reverie.

"Hey." She said with a watery smile. "I'm okay. Really, just having a small pity party."

"Well, the song says that if its your party you can cry if you want to. But I thought you might rather bust out of here."

She brightened perceptibly at that news. "I'm cleared to go?"

"Yep, the nurse is going to bring the final paperwork for you to sign and we are out like a fat kid in dodge ball."

Rory giggled, a sound that did a lot to soothe Jess's raw nerves. She'd had him worried for the past couple of days. He knew that there were going to be tough days ahead for her - days that hit her out of nowhere when she finally started to deal with everything that had happened - but right now he could see a glimmer of the old Rory.

He pointed to a bag in the corner. "Your mom brought you some clothes to wear home." Standing he stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I'll be outside - let me know if you need help or anything."

Jess turned toward the door and Rory stopped him before he walked out.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For...everything. Thank you."

"No problem." His eyes shifted from hers uncomfortably, "Holler if you need anything."

He closed the door behind him and Rory eyed the bag of clothes across the room. Throwing back the covers on her bed, She got up and walked slowly to the bag to change clothes. _One step at a time, Gilmore. Just get dressed. First step, get dressed._

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, it really does help encourage the creative juices to flow! Hope you like this chapter, I have ideas for the next one so I hope to have it written and posted by the end of the week. Happy New Year!**


	9. Mourn

**Chapter 9**

Three Weeks Later

Jess sat by himself on the train into Hartford. It had taken some finagling but he had managed to get three days together for a weekend trip back to Stars Hollow. He had talked to Rory almost daily for the first two weeks after she got out of the hospital, and it had seemed as though she was dealing with everything relatively well. But the past couple of days she was avoiding his calls and sending one word texts back to him. Rory was usually so loquacious, he was genuinely concerned.

He flagged down a cab at the train station and gave the address of the Gilmore house in Hartford hoping that she was just locked in the study writing.

When they were probably 2 miles out Jess dialed Rory one more time. Straight to voicemail - it didn't even ring. _Alright Gilmore, if that's how you want to play it, that's how we'll play it._

The cab pulled up to the front door and Jess paid the fare, not waiting for change. When no one answered his knock he let himself in.

* * *

The sunlight reflecting off the pool was mesmerizing. Rory sat, in the dark, on the floor of the pool house just staring at it. She just couldn't bring herself to turn the lights on, or go to the main house, or even talk to Jess. She really did feel bad about ignoring him, he was being so sweet and concerned. But she didn't deserve him. She was broken, and empty, and lost and he deserved someone who had their life together; someone with a purpose. But here in the dark staring out at the pool she could pretend. Pretend that she was back at Yale, back when she was with Logan and they were happy. Before any of the proposals, and bicontinental affairs and…

Rory shuddered as the thought crossed her mind, tears falling unbidden down her face. The grief came in waves, big uncontrollable waves that overwhelmed her. She curled into a ball on the floor and let it overtake her, helpless to fight it anymore, finally finding solace in sleep. As she lay there , Jess's picture popped up with an incoming call just as her phone died.

* * *

"Rory?" Jess had been through the entire house and hadn't been able to find her. Her phone was still going straight to voicemail.

He walked outside on the patio, and looked around. "Rory?"

A tingle of panic went down his spine as he walked toward the pool. "GIlmore if you are here and just not answering me, I swear to whatever god you believe in I will throw you in that pool. I don't care if it is December in Connecticut."

Finally he walked up to the pool house and looked in the window; all of the tension trained out of his body in that moment. There she was, lying on the floor of the empty room - fast asleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to review- it means so much. I know it was a little short, but I plan on uploading another chapter this weekend. Let me know what you think!**


	10. Comfort

**Chapter 10**

Jess let himself into the pool house, quietly walking over to Rory's sleeping form. He sat next to her on the floor, brushing her hair back from her face. Judging from the puffiness around her eyes and the tears that were still wet on her face she hadn't been asleep long. _Exhaused,_ he thought to himself, _pushing herself too hard. Pushing it all away._

He had tried to tell her not to pretend like nothing happened, to let the emotions out. If there was anyone who knew what repressing your feelings did to a person it was Jess Mariano. But she was a Gilmore and a Hayden, and there wasn't any combination of stubbornness stronger than that.

Jess looked around for a pillow or blanket or something to make her more comfortable but the pool house was completely empty. Seeing no other option he stood up, squatting down to scoop Rory up in his arms. She stirred as he lifted her.

"Shh, I'm just bringing you to the main house." Jess whispered, pressing his lips to her temple.

"No, wanna stay here. Happy." Rory murmured.

"You'll be more comfortable _not_ on the floor, Rory." She could feel his voice rumble in his chest, decided to give up the fight and snuggled into him.

"Mmmkay."

Jess carried her up the stairs and into the guest room. After he lay her on the bed he sat on the edge beside her and studied her face. She was on the edge of sleep again, hovering between sleep and consciousness. Sleep was probably the best option for her. If the circles under her eyes were any indication she hadn't been sleeping well at all.

"Get some rest, okay?I'm going to go downstairs but if you need anything just call me."

Rory stirred enough to grab onto his hand and stop him as he rose from the bed.

"Jess, will you stay? This bed is so big it feels empty. I feel empty. I need…...I need you here with me. Please?"

Jess's heart lurched in his chest. He had waited his entire adult life to hear her tell him that she needed him. Of course she would say it like this; as if it was as natural as breathing and shouldn't have ever been in question.

"Of course." He toed off his shoes and Rory pulled the covers back so he could climb in. As soon as he was settled against the headboard she wrapped herself around him like a vine. "What were you doing in the pool house, Ror? There isn't even a chair to sit on in there."

Rory took so long to answer Jess was sure she had fallen asleep, but she shifted so she could meet his eyes briefly, searching. For what he wasn't sure. She must have found her answer because she snuggled back into him and started talking quietly.

"It is the last place I remember being happy with Logan. My time here with my grandparents wasn't a great time in my life with mom or Yale, but it was the best part of my relationship with Logan. I have nothing but happy memories associated with us and that pool house. I guess I just wanted to be somewhere that made me feel happy, even if it was only for a minute." She paused, "I didn't work though. All I could think about was what would have happened if I had said yes to his proposal at graduation, or if I had agreed to another chance when he wanted it. What if we had been happy when I got pregnant. It was a dark thought process that spiraled out of control fairly quickly. I'm sorry I have been ignoring you, I think the truth is finally sinking in. That the Logan chapter of my life is finally, officially, closed. Mom is married, you are in Philly, and Grandma is in Nantucket. Everyone has moved on and I feel like I am stuck in exactly the same place, you know?"

Jess considered his answer before speaking. "Never apologize for your grief, not to me. You are entitled to some dark and twisty journeys. And I know that it might feel like you are alone, but I swear you aren't Rory. We are all here for you, literally a phone call, a train ride, a short trip away. We are in your corner, no matter what. What you need now is some sleep. Just close your eyes and rest, I'll be here when you wake up - I promise."

Rory propped herself up on her elbows and looked at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Thank you, Jess. For everything, you are a great friend." Leaning forward she kissed him briefly, soft and quick, then lay back down and closed her eyes; for the first time since she got out of the hospital a small mile curved her lips. Content, she fell asleep instantly.

Meanwhile Jess was having a minor, albeit silent, freak out. His mouth was still tingling from the brief innocent kiss. He had convinced himself that he could be her friend, help her through this tough time and not let any of the other stuff get in the way. That wasn't what she needed right now - she needed a friend. Someone sturdy she could lean on. He lay his head back and closed his eyes. _This should be interesting._

 **Author's Note: Sorry for the wait, but I hope it was worth it. Thank you so much for reading, let me know what you think!**


	11. Feel

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Any feed back is appreciated - whether it is good, bad or indifferent. Let me know what you think and enjoy!

 **Chapter 11**

 _Two Weeks Later_

"I can stay longer. It's no big deal. Most of my work I can do remotely anyway.

Rory rolled her eyes at Jess and gave him a pointed look.

"Jess. You have been here for two weeks, seeing to my every need. Making sure I get out of bed in the morning. Not-so-subtly pushing me to get back into my writing." Jess winced at that. He had thought he _was_ being subtle "It's time. I'm okay, and should I ever have a...dark day...I promise you will be the second person who knows about - possibly first if mom doesn't answer."

"Are you sure-"

"JESS." Rory was exasperated now. They had been fighting about this off and on for the past 24 hours. "You have a life in Philly and you need to get back to it."

Jess sighed resignedly. The truth was he didn't really want to go back. Sure he missed his friends and Truncheon, but the past two weeks had been idyllic. Days spent either in the study or the living room Rory writing, him either reading or editing. At night they would order take out and argue over which movie to watch.

"All right, all right. I"ll go first thing tomorrow morning cause if you think I'm leaving without watching Almost Famous you are outside of your mind."

Rory's smile was quick and her giggle went right to Jess's gut. "Deal, but you know what that means…."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get the Indian menu."

* * *

The movie had been over for about an hour and neither had moved from their spot on the couch. Jess sat on the end of the couch and Rory lay with her head on a pillow in his lap. At some point during the movie she had grabbed his hand where it lay on her hip and neither had let go. It wasn't a passionate embrace, but somehow it felt eerily right to both of them. Jess had run his free hand absentmindedly over her hair as they discussed Rory's progress on her book, but no both had fallen silent - comfortable in each other's presence.

"You still awake?" Jess said softly.

"Mmmm" came Rory's reply and Jess chuckled.

"Alright sleepyhead, it's off to bed with you." Jess whipped the blanket that was covering her legs off without any warning.

"No!" Rory curled her body instinctively into a tighter ball. "Why would you do that? So mean. I'm telling."

"I'm not sure who you are planning on telling, but snitches get stitches, Gilmore." Jess stood up and pulled her with him. He was exhausted himself, and had a long train ride the next day. "And I've got to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow so I need my beauty rest."

Rory smirked at him. " No amount of beauty rest is going to fix that face, Mariano. It's a lost cause."

"Ha ha. You should take this show on the road."

"Maybe I will. Who knows, it could be a hidden talent." Rory stuck her tongue out at him as she walked up the stairs.

"Very mature." Jess shot back as he followed behind her, a smile on his face.

When they reached the room Rory was sleeping in, they stopped and stared awkwardly at each other for a solid 10 seconds.

"Well I guess I'll see you in the morning." Rory said "Make sure I don't oversleep, I don't want you to have to take a cab."

"A cab is fine with me, but I'll make sure you're up." Jess glanced at the bedroom door and back. "Alright, well.. Goodnight."

He reached out and wrapped her in a hug that was meant to be quick and friendly. But Rory tightened her arms around him and wasn't letting go. After a while Jess leaned back and cupped her face in his hands, his eyes searching hers. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he realized that if he wasn't careful he was going to get lost in the bright blue pools of her eyes.

Breaking eye contact he pressed his lips to her forehead then pulled back to rest his head against hers briefly. "Sweet dreams."He whispered.

"You too." Came her reply.

And with that they parted and went to their respective rooms. Both had goofy grins on their faces as they readied for bed. But only one fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Jess, on the other hand, was struck with inspiration. He pulled out his laptop and started typing furiously.


	12. Train

**Chapter 12**

Rory woke the next morning more rested than she had felt in weeks. Rolling out of bed, she padded down the stairs to start a pot of coffee. Her mind felt clear, and she finally felt like she could write again. Without it being tainted by….recent events. Without it clouding her perspective on life and love and things of the past.

Taking her coffee with her to the study she sat down and fired up her laptop. She ignored the notification that she had unread emails awaiting her attention - probably spam anyway - she pulled up the document containing her book so far. She reread the last paragraph or two that she had written to get herself back in the place she had left off, ended up changing a few sentences around, but then started typing furiously. The words flowing from her mind through her fingers at a speed she almost couldn't keep up with. Her lips turned up in a small smile, she felt centered finally. Her balance was back.

* * *

Rory had lost track of time, but the growling of her stomach snapped her out of the trance she was in. Linking her hands together above her head she stretched her muscles that had stiffened from hours hunched over a laptop. Suddenly she realized what had made her stomach growl. There was a heavenly scent wafting in from elsewhere in the house and it turned her hunger from minor to ravenous in the space of a heartbeat.

She opened the door of the study and wandered toward the kitchen, the source of the delicious odor.

Jess stood at the stove, spatula in hand, completely lost in his own thoughts. Well, lack of thoughts would probably have been more accurate. It was after 1 and he had just woken up after being up into the wee hours of the morning. A sound behind him pulled him out of his own thoughts and he turned around to see Rory leaning against the door frame.

"Hey"

"Glad you decided to join us, Sleeping Beauty."

"Hardy har har."

"I thought you were going to leave early this morning?"

"Yeah, that didn't really work out like I'd planned." Jess turned his attention back to the sandwich in the pan. Judging it done, he slid it expertly onto a plate. Glancing over his shoulder he said "Hungry?"

"Always. What is it?"

"Grilled cheese. Grab a bowl and I'll dish up some of this soup."

Rory's mouth started to water. "Chicken noodle?"

"Right out of the can."

Rory's smile was quick and genuine. She had developed a fondness for Campbell's Chicken noodle soup while on the road with the Obama campaign. If she didn't want to go broke from takeout she'd had to find an alternative. Soup to go was her go to meal when in the heat of writing a story. That Jess remembered made her want to hug him for no good reason.

Jess finished his own sandwich and sat down beside her at the island.

"Been writing?"

"Yep." Her smile was contagious. "I wrote a chapter and a half this morning while you were snoozing away, Rip Van Winkle."

"So quick witted."

"Alas I admit it."

Jess chuckled and lifted his glass of water to her in toast. He should have known she would be up to the challenge.

"So on a scale of 1 to Kirk how obsessed were you with Hamilton when it first came out?"

"Well, to be honest when it first came out it kind of passed me by. But then my mom sent me one of the songs and I was hooked. I can do the whole rap from Guns and Ships."

"Seriously?"

"You doubt me?"

"No, no!" Jess put his hands out in front of him. "I believe you, I'm just impressed."

"Mmhmm."

They finished their meal in easy conversation, and when they were finished Rory took their dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher.

Jess studied her back for a second then said, "Train leaves in a couple hours, I've got to pack my bags then I'll call a cab."

Rory turned back to him. "No, don't call a cab. I'll drive you to the train station."

"You sure? You seemed like you were in a good writing rhythm. Wouldn't want to interrupt the creative juices."

"I'm sure. The juices can store up for a little bit. I need to go out and get some groceries anyway. As you found out I am woefully low on any sort of supplies that could be described as food."

"Ok sounds good." With that he got up and strode out of the room.

Rory followed and watched as he took the stairs two at a time. What was she going to do when he left? This house was so big and she was certain it would swallow her whole if she was all by herself. Shaking her head she walked back toward the study. She would do some light editing on her latest chapter while she waited for him to be ready to go.

* * *

Rory pulled up at the train station an hour and a half later laughing at the story Jess had told her about his life with roommates at Truncheon books.

"You're exaggerating." She said, still giggling.

"My hand to god. Absolute truth."

As Rory busted out in belly laughter again Jess warned "You can't tell them I told you though. They would murder me in my sleep if they knew I told anyone. It's fight club."

"I know the rules of fight club, Jess. Besides who am I going to tell?"

"Fair enough."

There was a pause. It stretched out so long that Rory felt the need to fill it with words. Any words.

"Let me know when you get home, okay?"

Jess smirked, "Sure. And don't forget to email over those chapters. I'll take the first pass through them on the train."

Rory looked down at her hands and nodded. Why was she crying? Of all the lame, emotional, _typically female_ responses to have. She was appalled. He was going back to Philadephia, not off to war halfway across the world.

Pasting a bright smile on her face she finally met his eyes. "Sure thing. I'll miss you."

Jess chuckled and brushed the tear from her face. "Not as much as you'll miss me feeding you, I'm sure. "

"Touche, my friend." Rory was shameless in her love for anyone who was willing to feed her.

Time seemed to slow down as the smiles faded from both their faces and Jess leaned in to her. Pausing just before his lips met hers he met her eyes again - making sure he wasn't misreading her signals.

In lieu of an answer, Rory closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his, her hands coming up to grip his shoulders. It may have been years since they had kissed like this, but it could just have easily been yesterday. He still made her blood sing and the whole world go blurry. When he deepened the kiss, she responded in earnest, getting as close to him as she physically could in her tiny Prius.

Eventually the broke apart, both breathless.

Rory was the first to break the silence "Well, at least we know that part still works." She smiled wryly at him. "You'd better go or you'll miss your train."

"Crap, your right." He hopped out of the car and grabbed hiis bag from the back seat. He leaned down by the driver's side window and said. "I'll call you when I get back."

"Okay." She said smiling at him.

He kissed her one last time, briefly, then turned and walked toward the entrance. He didn't look back at her, but couldn't stop himself from finding her reflection in the bright glass of the station windows. He smiled and opened the door. This time, they were writing a story with a very different ending.

* * *

Rory watched him until she couldn't make out his figure any more through the glass then pulled out of the parking spot she was occupying and started the drive back to the house.

 _Well_ , she thought to herself, _how's that for a plot twist?_

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait, but hopefully it was worth it! Let me know what you think :)


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